capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Alive.
So much puke
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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