i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
