Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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