She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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