Quick, to the slutcave!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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