I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize