I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Houston, we have a blender
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
