You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
