I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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