11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
nut hugger
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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