he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
