i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
