dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
