Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
