In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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