Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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