Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
