hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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