Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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