You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
