I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we should paint friendship bongs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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