Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
