Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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