Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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