if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
