Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
