did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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