I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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