I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
