i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
