Do you still have your period?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
