Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
