I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
