I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize