hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
