is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
