There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
