There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize