everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
