considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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