Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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