cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
