I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You dont lie about slip and slides
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
