Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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