i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
