Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
