New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
