my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize