Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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