Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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