Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
