Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
