I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
