Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
