My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
