She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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