every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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