I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize