no, he came in my armpit
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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