hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
