the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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