Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did I show you my penis last night?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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