remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How does one acquire holy water?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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