So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
