God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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