I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
