so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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