I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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