What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My dick has a subreddit
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize