you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
