ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
