I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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