I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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