I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
