I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
