I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
