My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I want to have your abortion
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
