we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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